【吐槽双声道】处心积虑三喵还碰比利时 实至名归格子军该进决赛

今天，足球天空小毅给大家分享阿鲁姆带来的《【吐槽双声道】处心积虑三喵还碰比利时 实至名归格子军该进决赛》。

吐槽双声道，一档无节操翻译栏目，主要素材来自国外吐槽社区reddit的足球版r/soccer，通过二次加工制造接地气笑点！

@克罗地亚 2-1 英格兰

[–]【England】_temp_variable 8229 points 8 hours ago

Who"d have thought this world cup would have two pointless England vs Belgium games

谁曾想到，这届世界杯会出现2场毫无意义的英格兰对比利时的比赛

[–]【France】Saturdalia 3132 points 8 hours ago

It"s actually a bit of a relief. People criticizing England for not trying to win, or Belgium for not trying to lose, and in the end they both landed in the same place. Perfectly balanced.

其实挺大快人心的。所有人都批评英格兰不想赢，或者批评比利时只要不输就行，结果两支球队殊途同归。完美的平衡。

[–]【England】SwitchBlayd 498 points 7 hours ago

If it were the reverse England would have gone out to Brazil and Belgium would be in the final after smashing Croatia.

Finishing second in our group saved us.

如果反过来，英格兰小组赢了打巴西出局，比利时小组第二拿下克罗地亚进决赛。

那小组第二反倒是救了我喵。

-----

[–]slaughtered_gates 1923 points 8 hours ago

Why play for 90 min when you can play for 120 min

Croatia

既然能打120分钟，为什么要打90分钟呢

克罗地亚

[–]sneekpeekz 361 points 6 hours ago

Its more training and match experience. That"s how you get good

这样能累积更多的训练和比赛经验。你就是这么变强的

-----

[–]【Germany】0DegreesCalvin 3319 points 8 hours ago

Now we get the added joy of watching England-Belgium again, with even more questions about if anyone even wants to win the game.

现在我们又获得了再看一次英格兰比利时大战的喜悦，这次谁想赢球成了更大的疑问。

[–]【Chelsea】rgba32 1466 points 8 hours ago

England lost on purpose in order to play Belgium again. Strategy.

英格兰小组赛故意输球就是为了再和比利时打一次。下一盘大棋。

[–]【Reading】winch25 347 points 8 hours ago

Will there ever be the same fixture twice in the world cup with so little riding on it, both times?

世界杯上还会有同一场比赛打两次，而且两次都这么没有意义的吗？

-----

[–]Ellenberg88 1220 points 8 hours ago

Turns out the real World Cup, was friendship

事实证明，世界杯的真正意义，原来是友谊

-----

[–]【Liverpool】IanCaesars 5221 points 8 hours ago

Vardy: I need to play to fucking score, mate.

瓦尔迪：哥们儿，你得让我上，我才能进球啊。

[–]【Spain】StringTailor 1444 points 8 hours ago

Surprised he barely played this tournament

真的很意外这届世界杯瓦尔迪都没怎么上

[–]【Northern Ireland】Vaeloc 709 points 8 hours ago

ITV commentators said he had been nursing an injury for the past 10 days

ITV说了他过去10天都在疗伤

[–]【Orlando City】majorgeneralporter 343 points 8 hours ago

Yeah, took a knock to his groin, and to a speed demon like him that"s a big problem.

是的，腹股沟受伤了，对于速度狂魔来说这是一个大问题。

[–]【Manchester United】poorly_timed_boromir 763 points 8 hours ago

Deli Ali looker gassed after 70 minutes. I think /r/soccer was right in the end, being that Southgate waited too long to make substitutions. It cost them

70分钟之后

70分钟之后感觉阿里已经透支了。到头来感觉还是话题区懂球，索斯盖特换人太晚了。英格兰就输在这里

[–]【Liverpool】jacksleepshere 759 points 8 hours ago

Peter Crouch was available and we took Kane, wtf?

在克劳奇现役的情况下，我们竟然带了凯恩，什么鬼？

[–]【HIFK】LaamaDuck 384 points 8 hours ago

The mistake was not taking Heskey out of retirement.

真正的错误是没有让赫斯基复出。

-----

[–]【Belgium】teoferrazzi 3656 points 8 hours ago

Smart from Southgate, we"re a much easier opponent than France

索斯盖特真天才，事实证明三四名打我们比打法国容易多了

[–]Scusemahfrench 694 points 8 hours ago

according to Courtois you"re the best team to have ever played the game though

库尔图瓦不是说你们是有史以来最强的球队吗

[–]【Club Brugge】StrongPowerhouse 413 points 8 hours ago

Can"t we all just ignore off pitch Courtois? The guy is annoying me like hell.

我们能无视场下的库尔图瓦吗？场下这货就是个傻缺。

-----

[–]【Indy Eleven】13853211 1592 points 9 hours ago

Can"t lose penalties if you don"t make it to penalties

要是不射点球，你就永远都不会输在点球了

[–]【England】ibe3 542 points 7 hours ago

Can"t lose our 100% final record if we never make a final again

只要不参加决赛，就能保住我们的决赛100%胜率了

-----

[–]【Tottenham Hotspur】chammyman 4331 points 9 hours ago

Perisic was absolutely immense tonight. Never seen a player run as much as he did for 120+ minutes straight. MOTM performance for sure.

佩里西奇今晚绝对居功至伟。从来没见过一名球员在120分钟里跑动这么多的。绝对今晚全场最佳。

[–]【Brazil】dahomie_longstroke 1861 points 8 hours ago

Had an ez wide open goal in extra time too if Kramaric wasn"t selfish

补时要不是克拉马里奇贪功，他跑出来一个很大的空当

-----

[–]【Manchester United】JustOlsen 1572 points 9 hours ago

Nearly broke my TV with the amount of passing it back to Pickford

这么多回传皮克福德，看得我都想砸电视了

-----

[–]【Borussia Dortmund】Icantrememberlogins 1081 points 9 hours ago

Croatia are fucking mad. Three straight 120 minute games. What the fuck did Perisic"s mum feed him. Deserved finalists.

克罗地亚太他妈疯狂了。连续3个120分钟。佩里西奇他妈都喂他吃什么的。克罗地亚进决赛实至名归。

[–]flabbybumhole 236 points 8 hours ago

I think she just replaced his oil.

我觉得他妈只要定时给他换油就行了。

-----

[–]【Everton】lompocmatt 1889 points 9 hours ago

Why the hell wasn’t Pickford in the opposing box on that last free kick? You’re already down a man due to injury. You need as many bodies as possible

最后那球为啥不让皮克福德到对方禁区里去？你们已经受伤少一人了，这时候禁区里人越多越好啊

[–]thrillated 841 points 9 hours ago

I did not understand that at all, they even put the camera on him and he looked like he wanted to go.

我完全不明白，连镜头给到皮克福德的时候，他都一脸的想上去。

-----

[–]【Manchester United】DefactoAtheist 9538 points 9 hours ago

Three fucking 120 minute matches in a row, and Croatia still manage to out-run, out-muscle and out-gun England in ET.

Everytime I"ve thought they"ve looked totally gassed, they just keep on running. Deserved finalists.

他娘的连续3个120分钟，克罗地亚还能把对手跑死，顶死，射死在加时赛。

每一次我都觉得他们看起来彻底脱力的时候，他们就坚持跑给我看。进决赛应该的。

[–]dontknow_anything 4066 points 9 hours ago

Well, Croatia used first 30 minutes as warmup

好吧，比赛的前30分钟克罗地亚是用来热身的

[–]【Mexico】GreenAlbum 2578 points 9 hours ago

The 180 that Croatia pulled in the second half was something else

克罗地亚的两个下半场绝对是史诗级的

[–]【Arsenal】apresmoi004 914 points 9 hours ago

That was a hell of a team that came out in the second half!

每次下半场这个球队就跟疯了一样！

[–]【Croatia】randomseller 365 points 9 hours ago

Actually, the first 67 mins. After the goal they turned into a whole another team

说真的，前67分钟都是热身。被进球之后克罗地亚完全狂暴化了

[–]【Spain】enterpriseF-love 263 points 8 hours ago

Croatia concedes first goal to France: you activated my trap card.

克罗地亚让法国先进一球：你已激活我的陷阱卡。

[–]【Croatia】Bundesclown 1334 points 9 hours ago

Modric is a fucking machine. I honestly don"t know how that guy can even lift a finger at this point.

莫德里奇真心是机器。我真心不知道打到这个程度这家伙竟然还有力气动手指的。

[–]【Iceland】sir_adhd 674 points 9 hours ago

He was absolutely cooked by the end when he couldn"t stand up straight.

比赛结束后他已经累透了，连站都站不直了。

-----

[–]【Australia】RedsClues 1414 points 9 hours ago

yikes

额

[–]Sekai___ 566 points 9 hours ago

what the fuck lol

什么鬼哈哈哈哈

-----

[–]【Poland】DesertCobra 1212 points 9 hours ago

Oh boy, we missed out on so many France-England memes.

Anyway congrats Croatia, great game.

哎兄弟们，准备了那么多法国对英格兰的梗现在都没用了。

不过还是恭喜克罗地亚，伟大的比赛。

[–]【Iceland】MacDerfus 672 points 9 hours ago

RIP the 100 year meme war

安息吧，百年战争梗

-----

[–]【Liverpool】Sim888 7748 points 9 hours ago

-----

[–]KnownStuff 1728 points 10 hours ago

Coming home status: denied.

回家状态：拒绝。

[–]【Real Madrid】Elketro 1379 points 10 hours ago

-----

[–]【Chelsea】hab12690 1170 points 10 hours ago

Football is a simple game. 22 men chase a ball for 120 minutes and at the end, Croatia wins.

足球是一项简单的运动。22个人追一个皮球120分钟，最后克罗地亚人赢球。

-----

[–]【Tottenham Hotspur】DriftingInTheFoam 1977 points 10 hours ago

As much as i love Kane he, alonside Sterling, just couldn"t put it away in the first half. Heartbreaking. Congrats to Croatia for making the Final. Hope they dumpster France.

虽然我很喜欢凯恩，但是他和斯特林上半场就是没法进球。心痛。恭喜克罗地亚进决赛。希望他们能干掉法国。

-----

[–]humptydumptyies 5472 points 9 hours ago

england in the first half:

let"s create opportunities for fun

england in the second half:

we"ve never played football before

上半场的英格兰：

我们就随便创造点机会玩玩

下半场的英格兰：

好像这是我们第一次踢球呢

[–]trexxxt 981 points 9 hours ago

you can have all the opportunities you want but if you don"t have more than one shot on target they"re pointless

你想要多少机会都可以，但是如果一脚射正都没有的话，一切都是白费功夫

-----

[–]Evane7 2637 points 10 hours ago

France should be ready to play 120 fucking minutes.

法国应该准备好120分钟战个痛快。

-----

好了，关于【吐槽双声道】处心积虑三喵还碰比利时 实至名归格子军该进决赛的内容就介绍到这。